The Ziv brothers, from left to right: Jonah, Eli, and Asher.

 

The way things are supposed to work is that the big brother always wins, and the little brothers grow accustomed to losing. That’s how things are supposed to go. But that’s not the way it ever worked for the Ziv brothers, where every backyard game became an opportunity for bragging rights or a potential for the dreaded L. Whether it was lacrosse, basketball, flag football, fiddlestx, or knee hockey in the basement—someone had to win, which meant someone had to lose, which meant, more likely than not, somewhere there would be a fight.

“It was very competitive, to say the least,” muses Asher Ziv ’24, the right-handed attackman, four-year starter and Captain, and leading all-time scorer in Pingry’s boys’ varsity lacrosse history, and the oldest Ziv brother—and therefore the one most accustomed to winning. “We would get in a lot of fights when we were younger.”

“I’d like to think that I win more, but in reality, Asher probably does because he’s older than me,” concedes Jonah Ziv ’26, the left-handed attackman who started for the varsity lacrosse team his freshman year. When it comes to winning, the brothers were “sort of sore losers,” Jonah admits. “Most of the time it ended up in fights where our parents had to get involved. We didn’t ever want to lose.”

Part of the issue, as Asher saw it, was that despite Jonah being the younger brother, he was pretty hard to beat, and therefore he had a reasonable expectation that he could and should be the one to win. “Usually, the younger brother is like, ‘Oh okay, he’s going to win because he’s older than me,’” explains Asher, before pausing. “But Jonah was never like that. He was always like, ‘Yeah. I’m not losing.’”

When they were younger, it sometimes ended in tears, and as they got older, it sometimes ended in something more dire. “Fist fights happened usually once every two or three months,” says Asher matter-of-factly.

Then there’s their youngest brother, Eli Ziv ’28, who will enroll at Pingry next year, and can often be found taking stats on the sidelines of the varsity lacrosse games—a role Asher volunteered him for, the way big brothers tend to do. “We needed a stat guy,” says Asher. “All our friends are really busy. So I said ‘Eli can do it.’”

“Eli’s also very competitive,” says Jonah. “And he also has a chip on his shoulder because he’s been trying to compete against Asher and I his whole life.” And does he ever have much success? “Eli never wins.”

Jonah admits to having a chip on his shoulder, too. “If someone didn’t win, it was serious,” he says. “I think it’s a big part of how we grew up. We just always want to win. So that’s why we have that chip on our shoulder.”

That chip is firmly on Asher’s shoulder, too. “He always has a chip on his shoulder,” observes Jonah. “He won’t take anything lightly.” Jonah believes this attitude benefits the lacrosse team as a whole. “I think it helps our team a lot, too, because it brings everyone else up. That’s part of the reason why he’s so good as a Captain. He’s a great leader. He just brings everyone up with his competitive spirit.”

As far as Asher is concerned, that chip extends to the whole team, where he believes anyone who underestimates the team does so at their own risk. “We’re a smaller school… I feel like we’re always underestimated a little bit.” The team is determined to take it as far as they can, and their record shows it. “This year, the team knows it. We have a chance to go far. So I think everyone on our team and on the field just has a chip on their shoulders, too.”

All that backyard brawling led to a fierce drive to win. “Most of the competitive stuff comes from lacrosse. It always did. Like we play fiddlestx all the time… One person has to be the goalie and the other two are 1v1-ing, and so usually that would lead to a fight.” But Asher insists it’s not as intense as it used to be. “Actually, this past weekend we got through it for the first time without any arguments.”

Ever?

“Actually ever.”

Then Asher pauses. “But that was because we lost the ball in the woods.”

 

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Some relationships are eternal, through thick and thin, enduring life’s ups and downs. There is a trust with siblings—a feeling of safety knowing they can’t stay mad that long because, well, it’s dinnertime, or boredom sets in and it’s a nice day, or it’s time to get in the car and drive to school. Siblings have a way of making each other laugh and making each other mad and, most of all, making each other better. They challenge each other where even close friends might hold back. They are blunt where others might bite their tongue.

“Whether we’re in a practice setting or a game, it’s really easy for me to give feedback and for us to kind of get on each other since we’re so close,” says Asher. “We’re brothers,” he adds simply. The way he sees it, the upside of all those backyard brawls is that they can tell each other anything and know it’s rooted in honesty. “It’s just a different kind of dynamic when you’re talking to your brother versus your best friend, because you can kind of get on them more and they’ll listen to you. Like—he listens to me. He listens to what I have to say. And I’ll listen to what he has to say. We can talk through it.”

Playing together since Grade 2, growing up together in the same house, it all lends itself to an unspoken understanding.

“There’s a trust there,” says Asher.

The Ziv brothers make each other better in everything they do—academics, settling into high school, or navigating social pitfalls, “It’s integrated with anything we do,” says Asher—but the place it’s most obvious is on the lacrosse field. “Our chemistry is so awesome,” he says. “He can throw me passes that he might not give to other people because there’s that trust. So I feel like that chemistry and trust is a little bit different between us because we’re always together.”

Even the bragging rights serve a purpose beyond simply sibling gloating. “If we go to a tournament and we’re playing our respective age groups and if I have four goals on the day and Jonah has three, I’ll say, ‘haha, I got more goals than you,’” he muses. “But I think it’s good. It’s always pushing us to work hard. We’re always pushing each other. Like if he goes to the gym one day and I stay on the couch, he’ll give me a little nudge for it and tell my dad at night. And it just keeps us boys in check. So I appreciate it.”

In the end, there’s never any doubt that it’s coming from a good place. “He cares,” Asher says of his brother Jonah. “We all care. So we get competitive. And if something doesn’t go our way, we’re gonna try and get it back.”

That means the winner can expect consequences the next time around. “The winner is always teasing,” admits Asher. “And it just makes us more angry. So the next time? It’s just that much more physical.”

 

***

“All my life, it was a dream to play with Asher,” says Jonah. “We were never on a team and we’ve just worked so hard our whole life together. It was just great to be able to play with him.”

Boys’ Varsity Lacrosse Head Coach Mike Webster recalled their first game together. “I remember last year, when Jonah had his first start. Asher was so excited to have his younger brother playing,” he says. “I remember how they were both very emotional about it. They were very happy.”

Now Asher is getting ready to graduate, and is committed to playing lacrosse for Yale, and it’s just starting to dawn on the Ziv brothers that those backyard brawls may be few and far between. “About a month ago,” says Asher, “my little brother Eli said to our mom, ‘So, is Asher going to be gone in two months?’” He pauses here quietly. “It was kind of sweet to hear. When my mom told me, she got emotional. It just showed me how much my brothers appreciate me being there.”

And now their last game together is fast approaching.

“It’s going to be really sad,” says Jonah. “A ton of emotion. But,” he adds with a determined voice, “I’m hoping that the last game will be a state championship and we can cherish it.”

In the end—through all the laughter, the inevitable fights, the gentle but firm advice, the countless That was a foul! No it was not a foul! arguments—there really is nothing quite like that sibling bond. And, whether sibling rivalry or sibling bond, no amount of miles apart or life’s milestones can diminish that.

“And now, since he’s gonna leave, I think it’s awesome that Eli is going to come here, so I can still play with him,” says Jonah optimistically. “I’ll be playing with one of my brothers throughout my whole high school career.”

Asher is introspective about it all. “I’ve always been that guy to look up to. That older brother to ask. So… me being gone is probably going to be a little bit weird for them.”

He pauses, and then a smile spreads across his face.

“But they’ll figure it out.”

 

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To contact the author: Sara Courtney, Communications Writer