Pingry’s CFO, Olaf "Cash Money" Weckesser, is determined to defy expectations—for those willing to look more closely. Sure, he owns an assortment of flawlessly tailored suits that put Tom Ford to shame. With his impeccable posture, he glides through the hallways at an exact speed of 14 miles per hour. Like most CFO's, he adores spreadsheets and money. Oh, and when Upper Schoolers drive and park like hooligans, it vexes him.
Sure, on the surface, he seems like your typical CFO. Yet according to his new book, Cash Me Outside: My Life and Times as a CFO, there is so much we don't know about Mr. Weckesser.
Born underneath a vibrant underground nightclub in Frankfurt, Germany, Mr. Weckesser’s journey into the world of rhythm and beats began at an early age. His mother was one of the most sought after DJ’s on the Euro-dance scene. His early and deep-rooted connection to electronic dance music is perhaps what drives his unwavering commitment to attending Tomorrowland, the renowned electronic music festival, every single year. For him, Tomorrowland isn't just a festival—it's a pilgrimage to the heart of his musical roots, a place where he feels truly alive amidst the beats that were the soundtrack to his earliest memories underneath his mother’s turntables.
When he's not busy “balancing the books” (as they say in the biz) or dazzling the Board of Trustees with his financial knowledge, Mr. Weckesser can be found mastering the art of origami, effortlessly and elegantly folding paper cranes with the precision of a samurai swordsmith. He once crafted an entire herd of paper animals during a particularly tedious budget meeting, much to the confusion of his colleagues.
Yet Mr. Weckesser's palate is as refined as his financial acumen, with a penchant for exclusively indulging in hibachi-style cuisine for dinner. His every meal is consumed artfully and theatrically, complete with erupting onion volcanoes and airborne shrimp flipping into this mouth.
And let's not overlook his grooming preferences—Mr. Weckesser frequents a barber who wields swords instead of scissors, adding an element of daring to his impeccable appearance. In terms of fashion, while most CFOs opt for ill-fitting suits and hideous polyester ties, Mr. Weckesser prefers purple silk-lined suits with a striking collection of vibrant ties that would make even The Artist Formerly Known As Prince envious.
So, the next time you encounter our esteemed CFO, remember that beneath his polished facade lies a man of mystery. From origami virtuoso to hibachi aficionado to virtual conqueror, our CFO, Mr. Weckesser, is a true Renaissance man, defying expectations at every turn.
To order your own copy of Mr. Weckesser's new book, which is already on The New York Times Accountant Best Seller list, click here.
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Photos by Natalie Gonalez.
Contact: Anonymous, Contributing Writer